tjgs-300x300-i-tunes-logoOut of this world… Let’s take you this week on a journey to the land of fairytale. From talking monkeys to an unusual council meeting, we have it all. It’s time to take a jolly good break from reality as it’s time for a Jolly Good Show.

Show Notes:

Series 2 is here! The Jolly Good Show is returning to your devices through the power of the podcast!

This series is better than ever with Jolly Good podcasts to liven up those winter days with even the addition of an extended Christmas special.

The Jolly Good Show stars Danielle Plummer, Robert Hall, Rob Stringer, Simon Lloyd and Tanya Smith. It is written and produced by Brigit Foster and Emma Gascoigne for Abrupt Audio (http://www.abruptaudio.com).

In this episode:

Let’s take you this week on a journey to the land of fairytale… From talking monkeys to an unusual council meeting, we have it all. It’s time to take a jolly good break from reality as it’s time for a Jolly Good Show. Get involved. Download now.

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Show Transcription:

Monkey Theorem

King Monkey: Fellow monkeys!  Thank you all for giving up your lives and also to your ancestors for also helping us to partake in this experiment.  I can now tell you that we have done it!  We have typed the complete works of Shakespeare and in doing so, we have finally proved to so many Homo sapiens just how intelligent we are!

SFX: Cheering 

Monkey Maurice: (Shouting) It can’t be so!

King Monkey: It is so my friend!  I have it right here.  In my hand.  The manuscript. 

Monkey Joe: (To Monkey Maurice) In your face humans!

Monkey Maurice: (To Monkey Joe)  This is the best day of my life.

King Monkey: The monkey theory has finally been realised.  This is a momentous day.  It will be passed down to your children and your children’s children and their children’s children about being here the day that we typed the complete works of Shakespeare.  Nothing can take this day away from us.  Nothing! 

SFX: Wind, rustling. 

King Monkey: Oh.  Nothing apart from this wind.

SFX: Sounds of papers flying up in the air

All Monkeys: Nooooooooooooooooo

King Monkey: Catch the papers!

Monkey Maurice: We can’t.  We’ve not evolved to catch the complete works of Shakespeare.        

Monkey Joe: Did we back it up?

King Monkey: No, cos we had to use these bloody typewriters. 

Monkey Joe: And we wonder why we are called stupid….

King Monkey: Back to the typewriters monkeys!  Back to the typewriters….

END

Rapunzel

f/x birds singing

Prince Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb thy golden stair.

f/x HARP PLAYING AS THOUGH SOMETHING SPIRALLING DOWN

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) Excuse me, er, what d’you think you’re doing?

Prince I beg your pardon?

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) I said “excuse me, er, what d’you think you’re doing?”

Prince Well, not that it’s any of your concern but I was just about to climb up this golden stair here to visit my girlfriend, Rapunzel. She’s up in this tower. Who are you?

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring  voice) Spencer’s the name: Reginald Spencer. And this is my card: I’m from the local council.

Prince (as though reading but unimpressed) Health and safety department.

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) That’s right. And you climbing this woman’s hair here is distinctly prohibited under several of the regulations. I’m going to have to put a Stop Order in place at once.

START HARP PLAYING

Rapunzel (floaty/girly voice) Princey? Oh my princey-wincey? What’s taking you so long down there?

STop HARP PLAYING

Prince Nothing dear. Just this chap’s from the council. Says he’s going to put a Stop Order in place.

START HARP PLAYING

Rapunzel (floaty/girly voice) A whaty what Order in place?

STop HARP PLAYING

Prince (louder) A Stop Order.

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) That’s right, madam. Reginald Spencer’s the name. Yes: we simply can’t have people climbing up hair thrown out of windows; not in this day and age. (to the prince) You’ll have to use the stairs like normal people, Sir.

Prince I can’t. There aren’t any.

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) You mean to tell me this woman’s stuck up in this stairless tower with only her own hair as a means of access?

START HARP PLAYING

Rapunzel That’s right. It’s been going on a while now as part of this famous children’s story.

STOP HARP PLAYING

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) Oh dear, oh dear. Has the world gone completely mad?

START HARP PLAYING

Rapunzel (girly/dreamy voice) Oh there’s nothing to be alarmed about: it’s bound to end “happily ever after”, as we say in our line of work.

Reginald Spencer (officious/boring voice) You are correct, madam: and right now in fact. Because I’m also a part-time fireman who’s rescued more cats stuck up trees than you’ve had hot wotsonames. I’ll have you down in a jiffy.

STOP HARP PLAYING

f/x romantic MUSIC

Rapunzel (dreamily, as though smitten) Oh Mr Spencer. My rescuer; my superhero. Should I call you my very own Supery-duperyman?

f/x romantic MUSIC scratches to a stop

Reginald Spencer (puzzled) (officious/boring voice) Well you can if you like. But I prefer Reginald Spencer: Health & Safety Man.

END

Monkey Theorem 2

Monkey (enthusiastic) So troupe, at last we monkeys proved it!

Monkey 2 (unenthusiastic) Yeah until some idiot took it outside and held it out like it was the Lion King and the wind and blew it away.

Monkey Look. I said I’m sorry. (enthusiastic) ‘Point is, what’s our next challenge? The complete works of Dostoyevsky? Or how about some Thomas Hardy? Or Dickens even?

Monkey 3 (groans) Urgh do we have to?

Monkey Course we do! Where’s your “can do” attitude?

Monkey 4 What’s the point; we’ve already written Hamlet, Macbeth; the whole lot, and then you go and tell us that some bloke called Shakespeare’d beaten us to it anyway.

Monkey 2 Exactly. I was so deflated.

Monkey 3 Me too; not to mention we could be sued for breaching his copyright.

Monkey 4 Plus, I know you’ll call me Mr Pedantic but, like, if that bloke Shakespeare’d already written the complete works, then what exactly was the point in us doing it?

Monkey 2 My take on it is we’ve been had and we were just a re-typing service. And we were paid peanuts for our trouble.

Monkey 3 Yeah: we might as well have just borrowed a copy from the library and typed it all out.

Monkey No! Troupe; no! We want to show the humans what we can achieve.

Monkey 4 So we could have photocopied it then. That would’ve shown initiative and that we can use a photocopier.

Monkey 3 That’s right.

Monkey I meant to show them that our brains are as advanced and intelligent as theirs.

Monkey 2 Well that’s easy enough: we not only wrote it; but we understood Shakespeare too. Now that’s way more than most humans.

Monkey 3 And we don’t waste our time watching TOWIE repeats or that pointless “Pointless” show.

Monkey 4 Plus, I know they think we’re more intelligent anyway.

Monkey How so?

Monkey 4 ‘Cus since we cracked it, there’s a new theorem doing the rounds.

Monkey What’s that?

Monkey 4 It’s called the infinite student theorem. Apparently, if you allow students long enough to hit keys at random on a keyboard, they will almost surely finish their homework. But it’s just a theory. So teachers aren’t getting their hopes up.

END

The Alien Welcome Committee

COUNCILLOR: There’s still a lot to do in anticipation of this big visit.

FRAN: Yeah so like I have been putting together an event plan for the day and think it would be good to do a brainstorm on what canapés we are going to give to the aliens?  What do aliens like to eat?

Orme: Aliens are (READS FROM BOOK) lactose intolerant, vegans and oh this is unusual they also do not like food that begins with any of the following letters: B, C, D, F, G, H, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, V, X, Z.

FRAN: Wow that’s so cool.  What do they call that in alien land? 

COUNCILLOR: It’s planet Zorb, Fran so please refrain from saying that. 

FRAN: Yeah, whatever.  So what’s that diet in alien land? 

ORME: According to the notes they are consonantarians. 

FRAN: So what can these alien dudes eat then?

ORME: Food that begins with A E I O U.  

FRAN: That’s crazy!   

ORME: More crazy than only eating cabbage? Or drinking cayenne pepper and lemon water?

FRAN: Yeah wow I might give it go and be like them and glow for their arrival.  I wonder if we should do a mag deal on it. 

ORME: I will write a note and ask the question.

FRAN: I bet there all like “does my green body look big in this?” and then like “no cos I am on the thingy diet”.

COUNCILLOR: Enough!  We are not ruining this important visit by making it all about trashy diet magazine deals and fitness videos. 

FRAN: Oh my god! I hadn’t even thought about a fitness videos.  That would be so cool. 

COUNCILLOR: No Fran. 

ORME: How about the only way is alien?

COUNCILLOR: No, Orme! I thought better of you.

FRAN: Come dine with the aliens?

ORME: That would be wonderful!

COUNCILLOR: We’re not doing that either.  But we will be doing a  version of I’m a celebrity get me off planet Zorb.  It’s in the contract agreement with the aliens.  It’s exactly the type of show that resonates with them and it helps us get rid of a few celebrities and off our tv for sometime.

END